Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
