Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You are the jesus of drinking
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
