It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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