I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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