I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I faked an abortion last night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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