Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
