I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
