Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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