every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize