Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
