you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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