can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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