I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
