when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't turn off my feet"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
