Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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