I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
