do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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