Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
