Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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