Already got asked if we're dating
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i think my cat just said my name.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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