Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
