youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
