My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
