he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
