if i can run in heels then i can drive
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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