Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
