Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
