i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
