I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
