I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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