if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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