just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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