she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We had to coat check the pizza.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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