I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
