omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
