member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Found your dick twin last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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