hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
