I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
