hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
