how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
