Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
