wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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