Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
