I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
