She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
