Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
