This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
