i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
