I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
