You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
