You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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