so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My ass is underappreciated
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
