When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
